
My brother jimmy (the bfc blog) and I have a little dare. We each gave each other a list of ten words, and the other would have to put that into a post in under half an hour. Here is the finished product…
The words I had to use were: Omega, Doogle, Hemorrhoids, Easter, Jesus, Leakage, Meteorology, hubcap , rabbit and poker.
Men are not the best at looking after their health and i’m no different. For the past few years I have had a health ‘ secret’ that only my closest friends know about. But this week, and this ‘word challenge’ has forced me to share it with the blogging public.
Its called Piles…or haemmoroids. That’s right. My ass has an extra hole in it. Except this one is a major blood leakage. The artery that supplies the lower half of my body has decided to migrate OUTSIDE MY BODY. Last night I went to the toilet and nearly passed out from the 12 pints of blood that screamed out of my butt faster than a rabbit in a hunt. It’s a terrible thing to look back and see a bloodclot the size of a hubcap.
Its getting to the point that its not just a issue for me, but an issue of global significance. My roids are ONLY present during summer. Strangely enough they are worse in the scorching heat. I now know whats causing this terrible infliction to my rear end.
Global Warming.
The same stinking ozone layer that’s supposed to protect us from the suns awful rays is causing my ass bleeds. Its like clockwork. I could ring the bureau of meteorology and set my watch for the next bleed. Every time it hits 35 degrees I find myself on the loo, slowly exanguinating to death, feeling like I have been stabbed in the date with a hot poker.
So to save myself from certain slow death, I have decided to invent a non surgical way of solving this all too common problem. After months of research and searching the internet (I used ‘Doogle’, the irish Google) I could not find a single invention for my raging roids. Then like a bolt from the sky it hit me.
The AssHat. A comfortable, highly absorbent butthat. The Asshat will fit snugly over the swollen and emaciated ass and will prevent leakage. Genius. Pure genius.
Jesus may have performed miracles….but he didn’t invent the Asshat.
I am not just the Alpha….i’m the frickin Omega aswell……brilliant.

A different type of 'Roid rage'