Last night i went out to dinner with my girlfriend and some of her relatives. Its always a little difficult when you are the new guy and all the people you are sitting with have known eachother for a long time. Kinda leaves you out of the conversation loop.
 
 So with not much to say, I sat there like a good little puppet listening. LISTENING. If you ever want to amuse /drive yourself crazy, go to a dinner party and just listen to what a bunch of women are talking about. (oooh feel the sexism coming out in that last sentence..ouch)

  Even though i work in a female dominated profession, it has taken me this long to realise that men and women are not the same molecular creature.

  Women are born with an extra gene.

  Its called he  'talking gene' and allows  them to converse  non stop for an unlimited timeframe and switch conversation mid sentence with no apparent rhyme or reason.

It's an amazing genetic mutation that not only negates the need for awkward silences but also acts as a code. A code that only other women can understand. This means they are free to discuss the male race and its inadequacies and we men are none the wiser.

 As well as genetic differences, i discovered last night, during a 45 minute conversation (when i say conversation i mean lecture as it takes two parties to have a conversation), that some women are born with gills behind their ears. This means they do not have to pause unecessarily to breathe (hence the origin of the phrase 'she could talk underwater').

Unfortunately, like the engine of a small car on a hot summers day, my brain tends to overheat when  driven to far. At first its just a few capillaries bursting, some redness in the eyes, dry mouth. Then as the relentless converation about nails/hair/men continues, i find myself struggling to maintain composure. My overworked  brain starts to scream like an old lady who's just had her bag snatched.

I can only multitask for a very small window of time. And by mulittask i mean eat and listen at the same time. So to conserve energy  (and sanity) and avoid complete meltdown, some systems must be shutdown. This may appear to women as though im 'sleeping' and or 'not listening', but its merely my internal  fan cooling my  brain back to OLT or Optimal Listening Temperature.

 
 
The cooling process begins at an early as as the immature brain is unable multitask


 So next time you see a guy unconcious at a dinner table, dont think heart attack or diabetes, remember hes not sleeping. he is just maintaing Optinal Listening temperature. Or he has had a brain haemmorage from being talked to death.

Disclaimer: To any women reading this post, please  know that i do NOT think that all women talk to much. Only those who are alive.

My girlfriend tells me at least 5 times a day that I'm not listening to her. And she actually got mad at me when I said how am I supposed to remember every dumbass thing you say. That's women I guess.

Looks at his girlfriend and wishes he could afford to have her voicebox removed in a back alley surgery.